Wei WuXian's Jailbreak from Hell
by Crystia
Summary: [Mo Dao Zu Shi] Wei WuXian has been sent to the afterlife, to face judgment for his crimes. But as always, chaos finds him, even after death. This time, in the form of... Lan Wangji!


**魔道祖师 - 墨香铜臭 | Módào Zǔshī - Mòxiāng Tóngxiù**

 **Lán Zhàn | Lán Wàngjī/Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn**

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 **A/N:** I did a fair amount of reading on the Chinese afterlife for this, but if there's errors, just let me know and I can either fix or note it.

It's mostly meant to be atmospheric, though... I just wrote this for fun. I hope you enjoy.

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ooo

Wei WuXian was dead!

The Ten Courts of Hell awaited him, and he was prepared for what was to come. The afterlife would not be merciful.

Wei WuXian was aware of his faults, if nothing else. He'd caused the deaths of Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan, and the fall of the Yunmeng Jiang sect. He was even prepared to suffer punishment for lack of filial piety, after rescinding his birthright to Jiang Cheng by telling his brother to claim his family name. Even though this pretense was for Jiang Cheng alone, the different layers of deception only intensified his guilt, and he was prepared to endure torment even beyond that for lying to his elder brother.

He was prepared to face the Eighth Court, for causing trouble and bringing misfortune to the family who'd taken him in, or perhaps even for having a loose tongue. He awaited admonition for his Demonic Cultivation, shamelessly living on where he should have died, slaughtering many in the Sunshot Campaign and even more after that. He'd died amongst corpses, using means condemned by every sect in existence.

Most of all, he awaited judgement in the Fifth Court for the deaths of his beloved shijie and her husband. He was a murderer.

When he faced the Mirror of Retribution, he expected to witness the death of his sister, the massacre of the Yunmeng Jiang sect, and the blood on his hands from his demonic practices. Time passed strangely in the afterlife and so he thought he might also be forced to witness the consequences of his actions; perhaps he'd see the orphaned Jin Ling or even Jiang Cheng's future demise, if the idiot ended up dead because Wei WuXian hadn't seen through his duty to protect him. Wei WuXian had gone and died first.

He faced his reflection in the Mirror, eyes squeezed shut for just a moment, to brace himself for what was to come. This Mirror of Retribution would force him to witness his own sins, before the court's king, Qin Guan Wang, would pass judgement and cast him to suffer his punishment.

Wei WuXian cracked open one eye.

In the fearsome Mirror of Retribution, it showed…

...Lan Wangji?

"Lan Zhan?" he exclaimed in surprise, both his eyes opening now to stare in surprise.

The Mirror showed them while they were younger still, back when he was writing out his punishment in the Cloud Recesses' library with Lan Wangji to supervise. Wei WuXian's reflection was diligently painting, and proudly showed off the portrait to its subject, Lan Wangji.

Of course, while Lan Wangji was distracted, Wei WuXian had naturally gotten up to other mischief.

"Wei Ying-!" Lan Wangji shouted in anger upon seeing what his book had been replaced with. Wei WuXian cackled next to him, collapsed on the floor while clutching his stomach.

"I'm here, I'm here!" his reflection gasped with mirth, raising a trembling hand.

The pornographic novel lay damningly open where Lan Wangji had tossed it in panic, but the scene didn't play all the way out, the image fading from the mirror.

Wei WuXian's blinked in confusion, although he couldn't resist the twitch of his lips starting to turn up in a smile at the memory.

"Wei WuXian, son of Wei Changze and Cangse Sanren, for your sins you are cast to the Sixth Court of Diyu, to be judged by the honorable Bian Chang Wang. You are sentenced for your obscenity, to be sawn asunder until absolved."

"What?" Wei WuXian paled at the verdict. "Sawn… asunder?"

 _Wasn't being sawed in half for some porn a bit too cruel…?!_

"So mote it be."

"Wait, isn't this too much-" Wei WuXian cried out, even while Qin Guan Wang's underlings dragged him towards the Sixth Court. He struggled in their grips, their demonic nails digging into his upper arms. As the door opened, he heard the screams of the damned drift up from Hell.

"Wait!" he hollered, to no avail.

...Of all the sins of the great YiLing Patriarch, of all the devastation he'd caused and the demonic means he'd used, the one Great Sin he was to answer for was…

...a small pornographic book?

This really was a bit too unfair.

ooo

Wei WuXian couldn't help but let out a small whimper as he waited his turn. He was tossed beneath the forest of knives to wait, sinners skewered above him in the trees and dripping blood on him and others waiting for their turn under the blade. Others in line begged for mercy as they were dragged forward, and Wei WuXian recognized that seeing what was to come played its own role in the punishment.

This was the Sixth Court of Hell, one of the ten courts in the labyrinth of Diyu. Here, in this particular Court of the underworld, individuals would be punished for their unlawfulness, blasphemy, or promotion of obscenity.

Wei WuXian couldn't help but think he perhaps should have listened to Lan Wangji about that porn.

"Please, no," a man screamed as a saw lowered to his abdomen, preparing to make the first cut.

Wei WuXian clenched his eyes shut. A part of him felt wronged on behalf of his shijie, that he would be punished for this and not for her. The iron tang of blood reached his nose as the screams intensified.

A hand suddenly grasped his wrist. "Wei Ying!"

Was it his turn already? He flinched in terror, the voice calling his name not registering at first.

"Wei Ying," the voice repeated insistently, pulling him away. Wei WuXian opened his eyes in confusion; he knew that voice, and the hand on his wrist was pulling him in the _opposite_ direction of the torture. Or, well, the particular torture that awaited him. He was drawn further into the forest of knives, where different kinds of sinners suffered.

"Lan Zhan?" he blurted, shocked, mouth gaping open. Because in front of him, right there amongst these terrible trees of blades, was Lan Wangji.

Wei WuXian stared in disbelief. First of all, this meant Lan Wangji had died, and he felt a pang of grief at the thought. But more than that, it meant that Lan Wangji had done something to deserve censure in the Sixth Court. Wei WuXian couldn't imagine Lan Wangji committing _any_ of the sins of this Court—or _any_ Court, for that matter—so what in the world was the man doing here? Wei WuXian could say with utmost confidence that Lan Wangji did not have a foul mouth, had never mistreated books, had never broken the laws, or any of the other sacrilegious transgressions resulting in the Sixth Court, which only left-

"Oh no," Wei WuXian paled in horror. "But that's not your fault! I _made_ you look! They can't saw you in half for that pornographic book! I'll explain to someone, Lan Zhan, I promise-" If the king had mercy on _anyone_ it _had_ to be Lan Wangji; Wei WuXian _couldn't_ drag him down with him-

"Wei Ying," Lan Wangji said again, a hint of frustration now in his voice.

"What?" Wei WuXian cried desperately, momentarily derailed.

"...Go back to Gusu with me."

Wei WuXian blinked.

...This again…?

In the Sixth Court of Diyu, beyond death and amongst the screams of the damned, Lan Wangji condemned beside him by the great kings of Yama, and still the first sentence out of this stubborn man's mouth was his demand to return to Gusu with him?

Wei WuXian couldn't suppress the snort that forced its way out of his nose. Clapping a hand over his mouth, he tried to hold in the inappropriate laughter that bubbled up inside him, but in the end-

"Hahahahahahaha!" Wei WuXian burst out in delighted peals of laughter, bending over while clutching his stomach. Lan Wangji watched impassively even as he slapped his knees in hysterics. "Hahahahaha… Lan Zhan! How can you make me laugh here, of all places? You're really too much!"

"Wei Ying…"

Wei WuXian wiped the tears from his eyes, still snickering. "Lan Zhan, how can I refuse? You're so relentless I can't run away from you even when I die! In my next life, I will make sure to find you and return with you to Gusu. While I am sawed to pieces, I will definitely still dread the texts your future reincarnation will make me copy! How upstanding is this righteous Twin Jade of Lan, that even the wrath of the Yama Kings themselves is not enough to satisfy him!"

Lan Wangji frowned at his laughter, but in the end only nodded. "Remember your words."

Wei WuXian clasped his hands over his heart dramatically, still playing around. "For you, Lan Zhan, and only for you, I will refuse the tea* of forgetfulness that the Lady Meng Po serves me! I will not drink the blissful waters of oblivion to forget my past life and the torment I suffered; instead I- _Lan Zhan_!"

Wei Wuxian's theatrics were abruptly interrupted when Lan Wangji picked him up, one arm supporting his knees and the other beneath his upper back, as though Wei WuXian were a swooning damsel he'd valiantly chosen to carry. Wei WuXian's world flipped, and suddenly he received a much clearer view of the sinners forced to climb those awful trees of knives, their blood trickling down the branches and to the roots. Wei WuXian quickly refocused his gaze on Lan Wangji instead, the other man's face close enough that he felt a little embarrassed, although he quickly schooled his expression to hide his reaction.

"We should not linger here," Lan Wangji said simply, turning on his heel to walk further into the forest with Wei WuXian still in his arms. Wei WuXian flailed a little, unbalanced at the sudden movement, and was forced to cling to the other man's shoulders as he walked.

"What- You- Lan Wangji, you realize we're dead, don't you? Even if we run away, they'll just catch us again. They'll probably condemn us to Avici!"

Avici was the Tenth Court of Diyu, for the worst sinners of all. Many there were to suffer eternal punishment, with no hope of reincarnation. Wei WuXian would gladly be sawed in half a thousand times before being sent there!

"I am not dead," Lan Wangji said plainly. Wei WuXian groaned in frustration.

"How are you not dead, when you're right here with me?" Wei WuXian tapped the man's cheek with a few fingers to emphasize his point. "Lan Wangji, I know it's hard to accept, but running away like this is no good."

Come to think of it, didn't Lan Wangji normally hate physical contact? Wei WuXian was a little baffled by his current predicament, swept up in the other's arms. Maybe for this reason, he didn't try to escape.

Lan Wangji made no acknowledgment of Wei WuXian's words, so he continued. "What's the last thing you remember before ending up here? Were you facing some sort of beast? I can't imagine you losing to a mere corpse, at least if it wasn't under the Stygian Seal. But I didn't kill you! Lan Zhan, if you still think you're not dead, how do you explain that I'm here with you? Say, how long ago did I die? Is Jiang Cheng all right? Have you seen Jin RuLan?"

Wei WuXian continued chattering happily as they walked, and after a while, the forest of knives shifted into something more like a regular forest. The path remained dark and the shadows ominous, but the screams faded and most of the trees were no longer bladed. They were likely entering a neutral transitional zone between regions, still part of the underworld but not officially one of the Courts.

They walked for so long that eventually Wei WuXian fell quiet, resting his head on Lan Wangji's shoulder. In truth he was quite willing to follow even without being carried; he'd gladly put off his torturous atonement for as long as possible. The underworld also peaked his curiosity; how many people could say they'd ever explored Diyu? Between him and Lan Wangji he would've expected to be the one to suggest they look around, and he turned his face into Lan Wangji's robes to hide the smile at the knowledge that Lan Wangji had been the one to drag him into mischief this time.

"What is it?" Lan Wangji asked him, glancing down, either alerted by Wei WuXian's rare silence or having felt the smile pressed into his shoulder.

"Nothing," Wei WuXian sang, readjusting so he could wrap one of his arms around Lan Wangji's neck. Why let the other man know he'd be happy to follow on his own two feet, when he had someone willing to carry him and spare him the effort?

Lan Wangji glanced at him again, and this time, because of the changed positions, his face was so close to Wei WuXian's that he could feel a puff of breath on his lips. Wei WuXian's breath hitched in surprise and Lan Wangji's eyes widened before he looked away hastily. Wei WuXian ended up with a close-up view of the other man's ear instead, which was turning a dark red at the tips.

"Lan Zhan, are you blushing?" Wei WuXian exclaimed, forgetting his own momentary fluster. Lan Wangji's grip on him tightened; Wei WuXian wondered if he could provoke the other man into dropping him. "You are! Lan Zhaaaan~"

Lan Wangji didn't respond, but Wei WuXian didn't mind. He'd finished his quiet contemplation and would now resume his chatter and speak enough for the both of them.

Lan Wangji never dropped him or told him to shut up, and Wei WuXian couldn't help but feel selfishly glad for the company as he was swept off for one last adventure.

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ooo

 **Notes on the Chinese afterlife for the curious:**  
*The tea of forgetfulness = after being tortured/getting punished for your sins, you drink a tea to forget your past life, and are reincarnated.

Depending on where I gathered info, there were 10, 12, or more Courts. Each court has a king. Each court punishes a different kind of sinner, with a different form of torture specialized in each court. I used the number 10 for this fic. (Ngl I wrote this mostly bc I thought it was hilarious how harshly porn was punished) (...Also I wanted Lan Wangji to say "go back to Gusu with me" to WWX when they were both in literal hell. Hahahahaha. Ahhh, I crack me up).

Anyway, in each of the courts, whichever torture happens, the body will eventually be restored to its original state, so that the process/torture can be repeated.

As far as Diyu being a labyrinth in which escape is possible, that's all me. I tried to look up precedents but there weren't many that I could find (I was originally thinking of Orpheus when I wrote this).

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ooo

 **A/N:** At one point I was going to write out the different adventures they face as they try to escape Diyu/Hell... Battling monsters, maybe facing down one of the Court's kings, seeing the various punishments, eventually realizing their feelings towards each other after Wei WuXian realizes Lan Wangji went to hell JUST to get him back.

I think this is kind of fun alone, though? Maybe some day I'll add more. I'd love to hear if you liked it.


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